Sunday, November 29, 2015

\ /

for the rest of my life

i don't regret
any of it for a second

I did not
think I'd be wearing blue
standing in front of blue in
my own home
with different lives entwined with
last november. or
maybe somehow
I did when he made our usual annual joke
we'll never make it
but I did
it on my own
better than that last tortured year we
spent dying together.
there's been so much life
after it

                   it does
                   have to stay just the
                   let's make it last in its way.

Thursday, November 26, 2015

today we made dates. we
went to one ; we lost one.
while there, the food proved too tempting. I hope I do not pay for it in the near future.

date two, first -

why make plans?
why yes when yes isn't in the works if its not in the moment in you
its, well,
juvenile. and I say this at one year old.
I don't know what to say, she said then she
your priorities are elsewhere please do not make a plan that is not a priority.

( honestly,                              and sorry
  for fucks sake )

date one -
thank you for the hospitality. but
getting cursed at
by your host
is, while memorable,
not what she has in mind when she says
to anything


the morning.
we had a nice time, family time. we threw a ball and nobody
narcissism was not an exigency
consideration was given love expressed wine and jazz and kindness and
say that's

                                                        showing up

I feel, admittedly, some attitude.
tacoma? there's always another special day

enjoy *


Tuesday, November 24, 2015

platform for )


my friend made this ultra minimalist metal bedframe for me. unfortunately once you put things on it its less visibly beautiful - but its there

Monday, November 23, 2015

I'm going to look
like a confederate soldier in
silver and navy blue
wearing it for every holiday. better
than a grinch suit

(  my true holiday self        )

Sunday, November 22, 2015

say no

dear diary,

last night was a whirlwind. I met so many people. Unanimously they indicated their admiration and approbation of, well, me. and yet the energy of the evening was at times spoilt - war... you know? absolutely nothing. and nothing can be so dangerous.

we entered the zone, an energized local sector with distinct deficiencies. and a wonder station. whoa you cannot do that. but they did. in contrast to my human, I, fortunately, was not called a bitch. an illiterate one at that. outrageous. she tells me she has read many books, though her proof is lacking due to professed minimalism. sadly this alienates her from other literati.

my mind wanders.

I profess not to understand intoxication. less still, the carte blanche awarded its most enthusiastic adopters. I am adopted, as it were. something to consider, should you be lonesome.

so I watched and listened in horror to the many instances of basic human degradation. we met a young man coming out. at least we can believe in something. in daycare earlier that day I admit, I humped a new friend to his discomfort. for shame. perhaps we are all simply trying to relate? well. there must be a better way. a more effective way - to say yes to love



Friday, November 20, 2015

why the fuck not

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

there's no name you're..

this morning
you looked sad enough
all right.

feels like a missed connection
cause we
don't understand
one another.

you told me that I did it even though it hurt you and I did it.
even though
you'd hurt me
I think you're well above ok.

its too late and it
doesn't seem like the depth
is apparent. between us
there's not quite that communication of one mind to another mind and its hard. my mind wants that mind to mind.
I say I don't mind.


sad enough, all right. but
it seems
like time misspent. wasted sounds judgmental. the links
listen to me. I'm telling you
something amazing.

and yet to be honest honestly, I am so angry.
may be sleep will bring